How to Find a Therapist

Jul 16

Finding a therapist is both one of the bravest and most loving things we can do for ourselves. It is the commitment to healing our wounds, and also SO painful (you have to look at the wound to heal it).

Ok, so you've done all that, you've you built up the courage, you've overcome stigma, you found the motivation, etc. to find a therapist. You hype yourself up, open up your computer, Google "therapist near me" and then....well, and then what? How can you tell from a picture of someone in front of shrubbery that they won't judge your crying face? It's like dating...but you don't get taken out to dinner before you share your childhood trauma.

The point is: you deserve to be thoughtful about who you choose.

Training and experience matter, of course. But therapy is also a relationship. You should be able to imagine developing trust with this person, feeling respected by them, and eventually saying the things that are harder to say out loud.

Sometimes finding the right therapist takes a little time. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

You are allowed to have standards. In fact, choosing a therapist can be an opportunity to practice something many of us are still learning in other relationships too: not automatically settling for what is available when it doesn’t feel right.

So, here are my tips for finding a therapist:

1) Tune into your heart + mind

When you first reach out, a therapist will probably ask some version of:

“What brings you to therapy?”
or
“What are you hoping to work on?”

You do not need to have a beautifully organized answer.

Before beginning your search, give yourself a few minutes to think about what has been feeling hard lately and what you hope might feel different.

Take a walk. Journal. Sit quietly. Make a chaotic Notes app list. Whatever works for you.

You might ask yourself:

Why am I looking for support right now?

Maybe you want to feel less anxious. Understand yourself better. Navigate a relationship. Get through a major life transition. Feel more confident. Stop repeating a pattern. Or maybe all you know is, I don’t want to keep feeling like this.

That is enough to start.

2) Make a list of criteria

Therapists can have different licenses, educational backgrounds, specialties, approaches, and personalities.

Some common credentials you may see include:

PhD or PsyD: Doctoral-level psychologists who may provide psychotherapy, psychological assessment, or both depending on their practice.

LCSW/LICSW: Licensed clinical social workers trained to provide psychotherapy and other mental health services.

LMHC/LPC: Licensed mental health or professional counselors.

LMFT: Licensed marriage and family therapists who may work with individuals, couples, and families.

MD or DO: Physicians. Psychiatrists are medical doctors specializing in mental health and can prescribe medication; some also provide psychotherapy.

NP: Nurse practitioners may specialize in psychiatric care and, depending on their license and location, prescribe medication.

Ask yourself:

What am I hoping to work on?
Does this therapist regularly work with people dealing with something similar?
Are there identities, lived experiences, cultural factors, or values that are important for my therapist to understand?
Do I want someone warm? Direct? Structured? Funny? Very calm?
Do I want virtual therapy, in-person therapy, or either?
What does my insurance cover?
Am I open to paying out of pocket? If so, what can I realistically afford?

You don't need a 47-point checklist. Just knowing a few of your non-negotiables can make a giant list of therapists feel much less overwhelming.

3) Ask THEM questions

A consultation is not an audition where you have to convince someone that your problems are therapy-worthy.

You are also figuring out whether they feel like a good fit for you.

You can ask questions like:

“Do you have experience working with people who struggle with ___?”
“What is your approach to therapy?”
“What would sessions typically look like?”
“Do you accept my insurance?”
“Do you offer virtual sessions?”
“How do you usually work with someone dealing with anxiety, relationships, self-esteem, or a major life transition?”

4) Talk to people you trust

Maybe your close friends or family have a person or organization they recommend and can connect you to. Your doctor can also always make referrals, and is sometimes the easiest way to finding people in your insurance network.

5) Use online resources

Instead of only searching “therapist near me,” try adding the things that actually matter to you.

For example:

“therapist for anxiety”
“therapist for college students”
“therapist for life transitions”
“therapist for relationship stress”

You can also use therapist directories and insurance directories to narrow your search by specialty, identity, insurance, age group, and treatment approach.

And if you're comfortable with virtual therapy, your options may be much broader than your immediate neighborhood. Therapists generally need to be authorized to provide therapy in the state where you are physically located during the session, so depending on their licenses, you may be able to work with someone located much farther away.